One, Two, Three, Stretch

by Kathy Ross

 

"Mom, who do you love most, me or Joel?" David asked again this evening. If I’d been more alert, I might have thrown the question back to him, exploring his feelings a little. Maybe later.

Tonight I was tired. So I gave him the well-worn response: "David, I love you and I love your brother. I love you both."

He didn’t like my answer, for lots of reasons. But let’s take a look at just one.

David tried to stump me with what logicians and rhetoricians call the "either-or" fallacy. This fallacy clouds our thinking. That’s why it’s used in persuasion. Propagandists set up false dilemmas. They push people to choose between two things as if no other options exist. And other options almost always do.

We humans have a tendency to fall for this technique because we’re used to oversimplifying, to creating for ourselves and others "either-or" choices that tip decisions one way, the way we want. Have you ever heard yourself say, "If you love me, you’ll ___"?

Unfortunately, we who call ourselves Christians have created dozens of either-or dilemmas that make life easier, we think, that save us from grappling with difficult biblical and theological issues, especially with paradoxes. We like things cut and dried. And some things are, but the older I get, the fewer I see.

Here are a few issues that have stumped me (and divided believers) for years: Do we choose God, or does He choose us? Does God determine the events of my life, or are they randomly determined, influenced by human choice, of course? What does "grace alone" mean if God tells me to "work out" my salvation "with fear and trembling"?

Before you start marshalling Scripture verses behind one side or the other of these questions, please join me in this exercise, despite the discomfort it causes. Acknowledge that you and I could easily find a person who fits our definition of "Christian" yet takes the opposite side, and with a Scripture list just as long as ours. Ouch! Now let’s ask God to help us pursue a deeper understanding of His word, to help us consider the possibility of a "both-and" response. It’s a stretch, isn’t it? But as Hugh always says when we hike or ride bikes, "No pain, no gain."


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